Where I’m at right now

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Where I’m at right now.

Hmmm…Good question. Where am I right now?

It’s been 5 weeks since the Boston Marathon and the beginning of my posterior tib tendonitis injury. To say I was devastated about getting a DNF, is a huge understatement. I had so many emotions going through my body that the first week was a blur. I did have one thing on my mind that first week – I need to run another marathon before September so I can try to get a BQ. After a quick search of marathons in New England, I knew that idea was out of the question. There aren’t any!

So I moved on to plan B – I need to run a marathon for myself to see what I can do. I had already committed to doing Saucony 26 Strong and the Chicago Marathon in October. But that marathon wasn’t going to be about me. It was going to be about my cadet, Marina. I was to be her sherpa to get her across the finish line of her first 26.2. After another quick race search, I found a marathon two weeks before Chicago and another two weeks after that are in my area.

Would I be able to do either of those?

Given my injury loving ways, I pushed that idea to the back of my mind.

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So I moved on to plan C – Would Marina be OK with running Chicago separately? There are no rules about us having to run the marathon together, but could I leave her to run alone? I felt horrible for even bringing it up to Marina. I felt like the biggest, selfish bitch. But it was eating me alive – Remember this is also immediately post Boston and I’m hungry for redemption. Of course, Marina was cool with it. She didn’t think we’d run together anyway. Our plan was to see how my training went throughout the summer and then we’d discuss it closer to race day.

So where am I at right now? Well, I’m still not running. My foot is still tender at times. It aches when I’ve been on it too long. There is still puffiness. My ROM, particularly dorsiflexion, while improving, is still not great. Some days I can do eccentric heel drops off a step with no problem. Others, I can’t get my heel past the step. I can’t run across the yard to chase my kids.

Do I think I’ll be able to run Chicago at the pace I want? Today, I say no. While I still want redemption from Boston, I do not feel the urging need to do it RIGHT NOW like I did 4 or 5 weeks ago. Posterior tib tendonitis is a chronic condition, meaning it can pop up at any ol’ time. I’m also blessed to have had Achilles tendonopathy in that same foot, another chronic ailment. With two chronic conditions in the same foot, it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I’ve been told, countless times, that I need to focus on recovering completely from this current ailment before I even think about training for the sort of race I want.

SO that’s really where I’m at now. I’ve gone through the 5 steps of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I’m waiting, wishing and hoping in addition to strengthening every single muscle in my pesky kinetic chain that keeps on breaking. I no longer feel an urgent need to prove anything to myself. It’s time to move on and focus on the present task rather than what’s on down the road.

Like during every injury I’ve had before, I just want to run again.

23 comments on “Where I’m at right now

  1. I sure hope you’re getting closer to being able to start running again. I hate it so much for you. I’m afraid I’m about to be sidelined again myself and I am so angry. Maybe we can hobble Chicago together?? 😉

  2. Oh my friend. I totally get this and I too hate this for you. I’ve been running 1.5-2 miles, 3 days a week and each of those runs are broken up into 0.5-1 mile segments with walking breaks. A whooping total of 5-6 miles a week. Should be all good, right? Nope. Last week, my Achilles started aching, a similar feeling to when I had posterior tib tendinitis. The most frustrating thing in the world. So I’m backing off and rolling and stretching and rolling and stretching. Those chronic injuries are the worst.
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  3. Sounds like you’ve come to the point where you need to be. Injuries suck and it’s so hard to not plan the future, but it’s so much better to just focus on where you are and make healing a priority. Fingers crossed that your recovery work does the job and you are back to running happily soon.
    MCM Mama Runs recently posted..TOTR: Compression – Yay or Nay?My Profile

  4. You WILL run again, and I can totally relate to all of those feelings. It seems like I go through those 5 grieving stages with every setback I experience. My tendonitis took a solid two months before I was able to run again at all, I tried probably at the 6 week mark and it was still bad and really disheartening, but, once it improved and I was the the right shoes with orthotics, it never came back. You’ll definitely get there, but it’s smart to leave the pressure off for now.
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  5. As someone who has been there too often, I think the really, really wise thing to do (and don’t shoot the messenger) is to take any and all races off the table for now. Trying to get in shape for a marathon in Oct. when you aren’t running right now is not the best bet to stay injury free, and I KNOW that’s your number one goal, before a BQ or anything else. Trust me when I say you have plenty of time to get a BQ. Right now just focus on getting better, then focus on staying better. Running first, racing second. Build yourself an injury fighting machine so that you don’t have to be here ever again. I have every faith in your ability to get there, and then to get to the place you want speed wise. And feel free to ping me any time you need a little reinforcement on this approach–I know it’s very hard. But very worth it!
    misszippy1 recently posted..Five for FridayMy Profile

    1. It’s absolutely the wise thing to do. Now if I can just remember that when I am back to running and feeling good. That’s always the hard part!

  6. I feel your pain. I am recovering from a tibial stress fracture and it’s been a slow process. Now I just want to run pain free. I don’t have the marathon history you do, I’ve only run 5 half marathons, but I hate to think i will never do it again. I got hurt training for my first marathon and of course never ran it. It’s hard when your body won’t cooperate with your heart and goals. I keep working on that kinetic chain too 🙂 I’ve had my eye on the Charleston, SC marathon in Jan. 2016, wouldn’t it be nice to take trip away from the snow in January 🙂
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  7. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. Nothing any of us can say will make it easier or better. Continue listening to yourself and your body for the answers. I have had SO many close running friends completely heal from injury by taking a lot of time off and come back to do some things they never thought possible. It is a long journey, but big things will happen for you. Another alternative is to do Chicago slower and for fun and tackle a goal half marathon so you build a strong base and are ready for a big marathon in the spring. Spring marathons are always my favorite because I love to train through winter. Thinking of you and sending you good, injury-free vibes. xoxo
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  8. Having been injured so many times ( and nursing that arthritic toe, hoping it behaves itself), I totally understand the bargaining. Actually, I’m doing some of it myself. So here’s the deal. We run Boston together 2017. We dont’ have to run side by side, but we need to get there. That’s the plan. We’ll be healthy.

    Deal?

    Oh and we have to meet up at Chicago. I live here, after all!
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  9. How frustrating 🙁 I’ve been there and I know what it like… but it’s always best to not push yourself and let things heal properly. After my last race in October I took 2 months off of running and have slowly been getting back into it. I could tell my body needed a break and now I know when I race again I’ll be good to go 🙂 Sending you healing runner vibes!
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  10. I’m so sorry to hear this. I know this is really really tough on you.
    If you are feeling better in a few weeks, another race to consider is the Erie Marathon in PA. Super flat course, and in the past their race day has the special feature of being able to qualifying you for 2 years of Boston! It’s due to the date of their race. Sept 13th this year. I BQ’d there last year (for 2015 & 2016). I’m still debating if I’m running it this year, but I think I might be.
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