Where I’m at right now.
Hmmm…Good question. Where am I right now?
It’s been 5 weeks since the Boston Marathon and the beginning of my posterior tib tendonitis injury. To say I was devastated about getting a DNF, is a huge understatement. I had so many emotions going through my body that the first week was a blur. I did have one thing on my mind that first week – I need to run another marathon before September so I can try to get a BQ. After a quick search of marathons in New England, I knew that idea was out of the question. There aren’t any!
So I moved on to plan B – I need to run a marathon for myself to see what I can do. I had already committed to doing Saucony 26 Strong and the Chicago Marathon in October. But that marathon wasn’t going to be about me. It was going to be about my cadet, Marina. I was to be her sherpa to get her across the finish line of her first 26.2. After another quick race search, I found a marathon two weeks before Chicago and another two weeks after that are in my area.
Would I be able to do either of those?
Given my injury loving ways, I pushed that idea to the back of my mind.
So I moved on to plan C – Would Marina be OK with running Chicago separately? There are no rules about us having to run the marathon together, but could I leave her to run alone? I felt horrible for even bringing it up to Marina. I felt like the biggest, selfish bitch. But it was eating me alive – Remember this is also immediately post Boston and I’m hungry for redemption. Of course, Marina was cool with it. She didn’t think we’d run together anyway. Our plan was to see how my training went throughout the summer and then we’d discuss it closer to race day.
So where am I at right now? Well, I’m still not running. My foot is still tender at times. It aches when I’ve been on it too long. There is still puffiness. My ROM, particularly dorsiflexion, while improving, is still not great. Some days I can do eccentric heel drops off a step with no problem. Others, I can’t get my heel past the step. I can’t run across the yard to chase my kids.
Do I think I’ll be able to run Chicago at the pace I want? Today, I say no. While I still want redemption from Boston, I do not feel the urging need to do it RIGHT NOW like I did 4 or 5 weeks ago. Posterior tib tendonitis is a chronic condition, meaning it can pop up at any ol’ time. I’m also blessed to have had Achilles tendonopathy in that same foot, another chronic ailment. With two chronic conditions in the same foot, it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I’ve been told, countless times, that I need to focus on recovering completely from this current ailment before I even think about training for the sort of race I want.
SO that’s really where I’m at now. I’ve gone through the 5 steps of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I’m waiting, wishing and hoping in addition to strengthening every single muscle in my pesky kinetic chain that keeps on breaking. I no longer feel an urgent need to prove anything to myself. It’s time to move on and focus on the present task rather than what’s on down the road.
Like during every injury I’ve had before, I just want to run again.