Remembering I Can

Stonyfield Boston Marathon Jersey |

Last weekend as I was digging in my workout clothes drawer for a shirt to wear on my bike ride, I came across a shirt I hadn’t seen in 3 months.

My Stonyfield jersey from Boston.

Instantly, the memories of that day and what was supposed to be came flooding back.

I hesitated about wearing it. I haven’t been able to wear my Boston jacket or anything else that I got to celebrate such an awesome race. There’s just too much baggage with it. Did I really want to go there?

But I put it on anyway.

As I pedaled on my ride, my mind was all over the place thinking about the events of the day. I even teared up a bit. Three months ago I was full of hope, excitement and overjoyed with the possibilities of where my running was headed. So much has changed in 3 months. Gone are all those feelings. I’m left with just a big question mark.

The one thing that hasn’t changed in 3 months (to the day actually)?

I’m still not running.

When I was first injured, I thought 6-8 weeks, tops, would be the length of time I spent not running. I’d still have plenty of time to soak in all of summer running’s glory – runrises, long runs at the beach, trail runs – and not to mention all of the summer and fall races.

Sunrise Run |

But here I am, 3 months later, not running at all. And the bigger question if I’ll be able to run any races at all for the rest of 2015 is floating in my brain. I already dropped out of Zooma Cape Cod, will Reach the Beach be next?  And who knows about Chicago. I pretty much know I won’t be able to run the race with Marina.

Last week, my foot was feeling better. I’ve have been able to walk longer with no pain and it doesn’t ache after being on my feet all day at work. One morning while out for a walk, I thought I’d try a little jog. At first it didn’t feel too bad, although my stride was not anywhere close to my normal. That lasted all of 30 seconds before the familiar pain was back. Yup. Not ready.

I mentioned it to my PT the next day during my appointment. She had me try to hop on my left foot. I did one hop and had shooting pain that did not go away as soon as I stopped hopping. Not good. Not good at all.

We agreed I needed to see the orthopedic doctor again. She thought I’d be back to running by at least 10 weeks and if I’m still having pain, there’s something still going on in my foot. It could still be the posterior tib tendon or something else. She didn’t think it was a fracture (and neither did the ortho) but maybe a tear or another tendon that’s injured.

On Friday, I had an MRI. I don’t find out the results till Thursday this week when I’ll discuss the plan of action with my orthopedic doctor.

Not running sucks. I don’t even feel like myself. My body feels different physically and mentally. I’ve been feeling frumpy, foggy, drained, sad and just plain antsy. Cycling, walking, the elliptical, yoga, lifting weights – there’s no comparison to the runner’s high.

Fix my ponytail and find my strong |

I’ve been trying to down play my feelings about my injury. I don’t like to complain and I don’t like to whine (but I do like wine). I know this is temporary, but it’s been the longest I’ve gone without running in the past 5 years. Me running is the only way I can tolerate my kids. Kidding. Sort of.

A few days ago, I was digging through a cabinet and found an article that I tore out of Runner’s World Magazine about injuries. I stopped to reread it and one part stood out to me –

When injured, stop focusing on what you can’t do and focus on what you CAN do. Use all the energy and focus that you put into training for a race into your rehab exercises.

As simple as the statement is, it was my AHA! moment.

So I’m going to fix my ponytail and try to focus on the CAN rather than the CAN’T. I’m sure I’m still going to wallow as I scroll through my Instagram feed and see all the wonderful runners celebrating the love of the run. I’m sure I’m going to feel pangs of jealousy as I hear my friends tell stories of long run escapades or complaints about running in the heat and humidity. I’m sure I’m going to whine about if only I could just go for a run. If I didn’t have these feelings, I wouldn’t be a runner.

And I am still a runner.

What’s for Dinner? {Week of July 19}

spiral vegetable slicer |

I’ve found a new (to me) kitchen gadget and I’m in love.

For quite some time, I’ve seen Zoodle recipes around the internet. I was interested, but finally took the leap and bought my own spiralizer last week.

And now, I want to spiralize EVERYTHING!

It’s so fun! The kids’ think so too. I even got my daughter to try zucchini. And she liked it. Woohoo!

I got THIS spiralizer after reading so many great reviews from others. I fully agree! (Disclaimer – it’s an affiliate link).

What’s for Dinner?

Sunday:  Grilled Salmon and veggies

Monday: Zoodles with Spicy Almond Butter Sauce

Tuesday: Black Bean Loaded Veggie Burgers

Wednesday: Leftovers

Thursday: Avocado Caprese Chicken Salad

Friday: Cook out

Saturday: Zucchini Pasta Salad with Avocado Spinach Dressing

What’s your favorite spiralized dish? Give me some ideas!

What are you having for dinner this week?

High Five Friday

5 from instagram 71715  happyfitmama.comHappy High Five Friday!

I share more pictures on Instagram. Are you following me? Please do!

1. A beautiful sunrise is always worth the early morning wake up.

2. Still working on my handstand and getting comfortable being upside down.

3. My little guy isn’t so little anymore. <3

4. I lift things up and put them down.

5. My new favorite summer salad.

5 Things

1. At long last…The snow pile has melted. – While I’m happy that the snow pile has finally gone away in Boston, I’m kind of disgusted what’s left behind. That’s just wrong!

2. Scott Jurek’s Appalachian Trail Record – What an amazing journey! Further proof that the human body can do some incredible stuff if you put your mind to it.

3. Hold the record lightly – Jennifer Pharr Davis held FKT Appalachian Trail record before Scott Jurek. I love that the record is not what she cherished most from that time but instead it was the “a deeper love for my husband, an increased appreciation for my support network, and a better understanding of the sacrifice it takes to accomplish something very difficult. And, like every hike, I finished the journey with a deeper sense of awe for the spirit and significance of the wilderness, and a stronger desire to give back to the trail community.” #Truth

4. One word can challenge your credibility – I read this and realized I use this word. A lot. Since then I’ve consciously tried to eliminate it as much as possible. The verdict is still out on if my credibility has gone up.

5. Halfway Through a Year Time for Reflection – I’ve said this a million times, but I’ll say it again – I love anything Kristin Armstrong writes. It made me think about my intentions/goals for the year that I made back in January. Am I on pace? Hardly, since my foot injury has had me sidelined. Rather than throw my hands up and say “Screw my goals for this year!”, I’m making new goals for the 2nd half. I’m hoping to get some answers today as I head in for an MRI of my foot…more to come on that next week.

What would you like to high 5 today?