This past week I’ve seen quite a few posts from some of my favorite bloggers ( Lisa, Christine and Sarah) who wrote letters of apology to their bodies. Each of them were beautifully written and made me start to think about my own body and how I’ve treated it through the years. Body image has always been a fault of mine. I’m my own worst critic. I’m better than I was in my teens and 20s but I still catch myself seeing more flaws than strengths. Body image is especially something that I’m more aware of now that I have a daughter. I don’t want her to ever hear me say “I’m fat” or “I’m so ugly” just as much as I never want her to say those words.
I wasn’t even thinking of writing a post of my own until I was in yoga class. My teacher kept repeating, “You are stronger than you think” throughout the class as we held tough poses. I’ve heard this saying many, many times but for some reason that night I had an AHA! moment. I AM stronger than I think. My body has done so much for me but all I see is the negative. I needed to write an apology letter to my body to say I’m sorry.
I am so sorry for the way I have treated you through the years. I never thought you were good enough. There was always something that wasn’t perfect. Your legs were too big and muscular when all the other girls had toothpick legs. Arms too flabby. Nose too ethnic and large. Torso too short. Belly not flat enough. Imperfect skin and hair.
I am sorry for the horrible ways I tried to “fix” you. Baking in the sun with baby oil and no sunblock. Putting harsh chemicals on your skin to make it “better.” Frying your hair with so many different colors to try to lighten and then darken it. I inked you with a tattoo just because. I tried to nourish you with junk food thinking that was good enough. I drank way too much and smoked certain things that did nothing to brighten your soul.
I am sorry that I yelled at you after miscarrying a baby and taking longer than expected to get pregnant again. You made me question your strength when there was a possibility my babies would be born too early.
I am sorry I thought you were a failure for getting injured and preventing me from running a marathon. So many others can do it, why can’t you? Belittling you because I wasn’t faster and more agile.
For the most part, you have done what I have asked yet I only focus on the failure.
You’ve always spoken up but I didn’t want to listen.
I’m listening now. You are one of the most precious gifts I have. I only get one of you so it’s time to really appreciate who you are and what you can do. You’ve got me through (almost) 35 years. I want to see at least 35 more. Let’s work together as a team from now on. I’ll be your biggest supporter.
You are more than an appearance. Never ever forget, you are stronger than you think.
Thank you and I love you just the way you are,
I realize this is a little heavy for a Friday but I wanted to let it out. This letter was very emotional for me to write. I found myself tearing up at times. It was hard to put out into the universe since I don’t usually open up that much here. But don’t worry. I’ll return to my normal ramblings next week. 😉
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