Runners don’t need a lot. Give us the marvelous open road and a good pair of shoes and we’ll run happy. At least that’s what we tell ourselves. In reality, we all love to have the latest gadgets and gear. A runner can never have too many pairs of black shorts, neon tanks and multiple pairs of their favorite running shoe (you know, just in case they change the style or discontinue it). Whoever says running is cheap is definitely wrong. So very, very wrong. Shoes, gear, gadgets, race entry fees, massages, and not to mention feeding a runner, are all very expensive.
To stay on budget and more importantly, save money to buy more running gear, there are some things that you don’t need to buy anymore.
Runners don’t want satin bras and panties that barely cover any skin. We want coverage. We want the girls locked and loaded with no bounce at all. We don’t want to think about wedgies while trying to nail our track workout. What is sexy? Sports bras and boy shorts.
Running does wonders for your feet. It makes your toenails turn black and eventually fall off. Blisters and callouses are everywhere. Not to mention that once you start running long distances, your shoe size increases and your foot flattens. Why would I want to squeeze my foot into a dainty shoe? Give me the comfort and support of a running shoe. Besides, runners need to be ready to run at any moment. You can’t run in stilettos. OK, maybe some people can, but I absolutely can not. Comfort please!
Runners want to look good. We want to have the best gear. But that doesn’t stop once the run is over. Running clothes are comfortable. You can move in running clothes. Real clothes are constricting and uncomfortable. You want everyone to know you are a runner so you need to look the part throughout the whole day. Thank goodness athleisure is all the rage.
Why waste money on car payments and gasoline to fuel a car when you can just run everywhere? It’s an easy way to multi-task too. Get your long run in while you run errands, literally. If you don’t want to run everywhere, you could also walk, bike, or use an Elliptigo. Cross training for runners. Boom.
Being a runner means always having a smooth running digestive tract. Sometimes it may run too smoothly at inconvenient times like during a long run when there are no bathrooms available or during a race. But there’s no better way to keep things moving smoothly than with a good run.
What’s all natural, legal in all 50 states, has zero side effects and makes your skin glow? A runner’s high. Who needs drugs when you can get high on running. However, there’s no guarantee that you won’t get the munchies after this high especially if you are in marathon training.
FYI – This is a satire piece. You may not think this is funny but I do. 😉
I wrote the original version of this for RunHaven, February 2015.
What don’t you need buy now that you are a runner?